After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
