feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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