I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize