I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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