Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
