I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
