sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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