I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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