We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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