omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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