You're my little dorito
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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