question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
