I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
