watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
