i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
