Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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