Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Panties = found
Randomize
