Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize