dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
