Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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