paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
