genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Enjoy the penises
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
