you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
