I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
