I'm really into asian looking animals
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
