I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
