No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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