He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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