i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize