Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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