I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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