I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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