dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
