This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
