she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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