Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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