As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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