I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
