Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
