we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
