I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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