you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
