Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
