Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
