can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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