just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
