cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
