Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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