THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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