dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
