Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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