Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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