My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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