No awkward lesbian experiences without me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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