He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
