So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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