Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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