If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
