So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
