He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
