Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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