"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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