I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
