am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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