I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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