i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
