There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
