yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
