let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
