i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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