Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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