Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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