I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
