I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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