I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
